Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (Mmmm)
Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g.The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (Yup, that would work!)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit??!!)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.(Well...erm, yes, I suppose)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (Seriously?)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
OH DEAR, OH DEAR!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I have recently put this on my phone as the alert when I receive text messages. When it goes off, J sits there and happily sings along... it's HILARIOUS! Teeheehee.
So, are YOU organised?
Like I've said earlier, we have most of our Christmas shopping done already, the only sticking point being J... being almost 6, he's now old enough to make a wish list, but the problem is that it is about 3 A4 pages long, and a lot of it is nonsense. The trouble is, what do you buy a child that, to be honest, has most things already? He doesn't NEED anything. He doesn't NEED more toys, or NEED more books, although those are the sorts of things he's likely to get. We were going to buy him a little CD player for his bedroom, but he's adopted D's old iPod and speakers, and seems happy enough with them, so there's that idea out the window! Bugger.
And if Christmas isn't bad enough, it's his birthday 2 weeks later... Mmmm. There's some serious thinking to be done here, me thinks. Any ideas? Suggestions welcome!
Movember is nearing it's completion (thank goodness), so it won't be long until I get my husband back. In the meantime he has been replaced by THIS. Yeah, no further comment required, really! Bring on November 30th!!!
He's away this weekend to the SuperX in Hamilton with the boys:
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I think I'll be taking a box of tissues... I've read the book (which was excellent), so have some idea of what to expect.... Although I hear that the movie has a different ending, so I'll reserve judgment on whether or not that's a good idea until after I've watched it tonight.
Then tomorrow, D and I are off to see this...
...which I am REALLY looking forward to. I am a big MJ fan, and I've heard that it's just fab. We have a babysitter coming round and we might even manage to have dinner together somewhere first. Wow, like a real date! Exciting!!!!!
Not a lot planned for this weekend, hoping to get a bit of tidying up done in the garden, christen my bike, and catch up on housework (fun, fun, fun!). What you lot up to for the weekend? Let me know, yeah?
Right, things to do, people to see, bills to dictate...
Toodles, B x